Life Incoming!
So there's been a lot going on. It seems a little overwhelming sometimes. Maybe if I write it all down it will help me calm down. Writing always calms me down so maybe it can help me with my nerves that popped up yesterday, last night, and tonight.
I'll start by saying that I love that when I'm worried about something that I can always trust and come to my best friends and family Richard and Twin. They both helped me last night when a tidal wave of anxiety just hit me out of nowhere. Eric, one of my other best friends and family members, was visiting my place last night. He- always- Even though we don't talk about my anxieties or whatever he always knows how to make me feel better... Well... Like he makes me feel like it's okay that I'm human and I'm not perfect all the time. I'm in such a better environment since I moved here to New York.
So onto the reason I'm writing this... because last week as I was starting the one of my last three classes I was informed that my graduation is coming up. It's time to get prepared. I have meetings scheduled to prepare me for the world post college. I have one meeting with the career development department and another with the loan department. As the school program I'm in is coming to an end I am freaking the hell out about everything. I am full of self doubt about every assignment that is part of my end grade. A friend of mine from school, who is currently in my class, offered help. He always is there to help, and I'm so... Why don't I ask him for help when I'm freaked out? If I'm in over my head I should ask for help.
Is there an innate thing about me that stops me from asking for help? *laughs* Of course it is. I never ask for help even when I need it. I've been working on figuring out how to ask people for help. But there are some people I'm still afraid of asking questions and asking for help because... well... I'm still afraid to sound stupid. So hahaha. Heh heh. I'm terrified of also not being independent enough. Sooo... That leads us to...
Because I can't walk around my house too far without my lower back hurting. Because I am living on my own and want to be able to move freely around my house and get things done I am getting a service dog. Or trying to. That's part of why I was panicking last night. My mind said, "Do you even need one?" and so on. So I told Twin and Richard that I was freaking out in general. Twin is who told me about service dogs and how they can help me. She helped me realize how good this was for me. And when I need reminding that I need help or it's okay to need help Twin and Richard help me immensely. I hope I help them in return when they need me. Twin reminded me everything I need to know about how when you have physical limitations it's okay to need help and do what you need to do for you. So I'm doing my best to try to get things rolling with a service dog. Twin got me into Facebook groups that helped me find places nearby-ish that can help.
So why am I writing all of this? Because I need to out loud tell myself that it is okay that I need extra help. It is not okay to beat myself up. Things change and I just need to handle myself one step at a time. No self-doubt. No fear. And no self-hate for having weaknesses and being vulnerable. If I forget any of these things I have family who will help me remind me and support me.
I'll start by saying that I love that when I'm worried about something that I can always trust and come to my best friends and family Richard and Twin. They both helped me last night when a tidal wave of anxiety just hit me out of nowhere. Eric, one of my other best friends and family members, was visiting my place last night. He- always- Even though we don't talk about my anxieties or whatever he always knows how to make me feel better... Well... Like he makes me feel like it's okay that I'm human and I'm not perfect all the time. I'm in such a better environment since I moved here to New York.
So onto the reason I'm writing this... because last week as I was starting the one of my last three classes I was informed that my graduation is coming up. It's time to get prepared. I have meetings scheduled to prepare me for the world post college. I have one meeting with the career development department and another with the loan department. As the school program I'm in is coming to an end I am freaking the hell out about everything. I am full of self doubt about every assignment that is part of my end grade. A friend of mine from school, who is currently in my class, offered help. He always is there to help, and I'm so... Why don't I ask him for help when I'm freaked out? If I'm in over my head I should ask for help.
Is there an innate thing about me that stops me from asking for help? *laughs* Of course it is. I never ask for help even when I need it. I've been working on figuring out how to ask people for help. But there are some people I'm still afraid of asking questions and asking for help because... well... I'm still afraid to sound stupid. So hahaha. Heh heh. I'm terrified of also not being independent enough. Sooo... That leads us to...
Because I can't walk around my house too far without my lower back hurting. Because I am living on my own and want to be able to move freely around my house and get things done I am getting a service dog. Or trying to. That's part of why I was panicking last night. My mind said, "Do you even need one?" and so on. So I told Twin and Richard that I was freaking out in general. Twin is who told me about service dogs and how they can help me. She helped me realize how good this was for me. And when I need reminding that I need help or it's okay to need help Twin and Richard help me immensely. I hope I help them in return when they need me. Twin reminded me everything I need to know about how when you have physical limitations it's okay to need help and do what you need to do for you. So I'm doing my best to try to get things rolling with a service dog. Twin got me into Facebook groups that helped me find places nearby-ish that can help.
So why am I writing all of this? Because I need to out loud tell myself that it is okay that I need extra help. It is not okay to beat myself up. Things change and I just need to handle myself one step at a time. No self-doubt. No fear. And no self-hate for having weaknesses and being vulnerable. If I forget any of these things I have family who will help me remind me and support me.
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